Discussing Death
Sadly, my father-in-law passed away last week. He was a big fan of my blog as he was a supporter of everything we did. He will be greatly missed. His passing made me consider how adults discuss death with their children. My daughter is too young for the talk, but some day we will have to face it.
When I was a kid, my parents did not talk to me about death. When a close friend died, I was mostly kept in the dark about what was happening. After talking to people about it, I found that this is a common experience. Since both my parents were not religious, they lacked the easy answers that religion often provides. I have also chosen to not be religious, but it is important to me that my daughter does not feel left out of the discussion about death.
Though not religious, I am spiritual in the sense that many of my values and philosophies are faith-based. For example, I believe in reincarnation. My husband is not as convinced. No matter. When my daughter is ready to discuss death, I will tell her the truth. That nobody knows what happens after we die, and if they say they do, they are just guessing. Until someone comes back and tells us first-hand what their experience was, we’ll never know (besides they would be a zombie). All the answers out there provided in neat little packages about an extraordinarily complex subject are just composed of hopes and opiates. I will tell my daughter to ask around and learn what other people believe, but to remember that they are just giving it their best guess. They may tell you that we go to Heaven or a better place, but truly, we don’t know. All we know is that our body stops working.
The greatest lesson we can give our children about death is that it is an integral part of life. Life and death are one and the same and part of a great and necessary cycle. Our dead bodies feed the bugs that feed the soil that grow the food that feeds our bodies. Also, that we should live life like every moment is our last, with joy and love and respect for our fellow beings, to appreciate everything and everyone around us and live for today.
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Day in the Life | admin May 10, 2009
By Dorothy, May 13, 2009 @ 10:28 pm
I really like this blog entry. It gives me a foundation of what to tell Zephyr when he’s older because I too am not religious. Attending funerals was so normal for me growing up but since my parents are christian, they told me that they either went to heaven or hell.
Thank you Jomama!
By Laceyare, May 14, 2009 @ 8:11 am
So sorry to hear about your father in law! But glad to have found your blog! I love the way you write and what you have to say. Hope you and the family are hanging in there. There is room for you in Stemaboat if you decide to come back up this way!